In a recent conversation, a client revealed to me that they felt jealous of a close friend of theirs. They described the problem as their inability to sidestep these feelings even though there was no real reason for them to feel that way toward their friend. What could they possibly do to fix that, they asked?
The client asking this question is a smart, successful professional adult. The situation causes them stress and agony; they have a secret they cannot share with that friend, which makes them act with caution around their friend. As we tried to decipher the reasons for that jealousy, my client admitted it was silly and juvenile. Still, the feeling persisted.
Our emotions take the best of us at times. We are attracted to the wrong person, develop undeserved dislike toward someone, feel nervous, curious, and other emotions when interacting with someone, all for no good reason. Yet the challenge remains: how can we dissolve these feelings so they do not impair our relationships, our judgment, and other aspects of our life?
As the first order of business, it is best to make a quick assessment. Is everything OK with us? Is there anything that is out of the ordinary in any particular area of our lives? These days, for instance, the long quarantine and related Covid restrictions are exerting a silent toll on many, negatively affecting our thinking, reasoning, and behavior. Although the forces that cause these forces are great and impossible to control, it is important to address the behavior elements they cause and treat them. Here are some examples along with suggested approaches for relief:
- Stress – try to remove yourself from the situation that causes that. Take short breaks and change your physical environment. Leave the house or the office and go on a walk. Move to a different room and continue working there. Change your schedule to allow for more time to deal with bottleneck periods that cause anxiety, and shift some tasks to a time when you can deal with them with a better agency. Use stress relief exercises, relaxation techniques such as meditation or yoga, listening to music.
- Impatience – is a byproduct of stress, and it is a sure way to sour relationship. Avoid confrontation that you know will lead you to lose your temper. Use breathing exercises and avoid instant reactions when it is not necessary. Utilize stress relief techniques to keep yourself calm and composed, and remember, there is never a good reason to lose your cool.
- Depression – is the silent pandemic behind this very public one. Its signs are sometimes elusive and hard to detect. If you think you are suffering from it or suspect someone else might seek professional help at once. Depression is an ailment you cannot accommodate in any form. If you feel you need mental health assistance, call one of these numbers:
24-hour crisis center: 800-273-TALK (8255), or text MHA to 741741
SAMHSA’s National Helpline: 800-662-HELP (4357)
NSW Mental Health Access Line: 800-011-511
American Psychological Association Help Center