Critiquing is a human tool for improvement. It is used from an early age through tests, where the grade and marks point to items for improvement. It is an essential part of adult interaction and is used to discuss and improve on tasks and ideas. Critiquing a work project, personal behavior, or relationship issue reveals lacking areas and facilitates solutions and improvements.
In the era we live in today critiquing is more often used as a tool for an attack, blame, and submission. The person offering the critiquing presents an analysis of a situation narrowly defined from their point of view and uses blame to solidify their position and diminish that of the other side. This trend, popular in politics and the media, is finding its way to the professional work environment and the intimacy of private life. The implications of this behavior are the same for both arenas.
An argument does not need to turn into a fight, just like a critique does not have to turn into a blame game. No one leaves a fight unscathed. When a conflict is argued in unhealthy ways, the different sides are not able to deliver their point clearly. They also misunderstand the arguments points directed at them, and both sides trade power and control for logic and efficiency. To avoid this detrimental breakdown, the conversation must include some pivotal elements:
- Think before you speak, and when you do, speak calmly.
- Let the other person finish their point and make sure you understand it before you present a counterpoint.
- Remember that you are not there to destroy the other person but to reason with them.
And above all, know that however this argument ends, you will still walk the same Earth with them and share social and professional circles. You can be surrounded by friends, but you’ll need to keep your enemies in front of you at all times. Be kind.